Clued In
by paris.and.always
Summary: Written because that phone call at the end pretty much broke my heart. So this is me fixing it. Picks up right after Kate calls Hunt. Spoilers for "The Limey"


_I just couldn't get this out of my head after last night's episode. My mind is still trying to figure out how it feels about it. Hope you enjoy!_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Castle, and at this point I don't mind because I don't want to be responsible for the fandom right now :P

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><p>"Hi…it's – uh – it's Kate. You still want to buy me that drink?" A drink with him is better than a drink alone, she tries to convince herself. Tries really, really hard to convince herself.<p>

But she isn't prepared for the heavy, loaded sigh that comes from the other end.

"Kate…"

Oh. Two rejections in less than five minutes. Not what she had been planning on.

She's actually glad Hunt isn't in front of her, can't see the way she stiffens up. "The offer is off the table." It was so much a question, she can tell from the way he said her name that he doesn't want that drink anymore. She chides herself for feeling a pang of disappointment.

"Kate, it's not that. I just…" he pauses for a second, not sure whether or not he should shut up and just take date she is offering him. But he can't. "Look, I saw the look that you gave him when I first asked for that drink. I'm not too keen on being second choice, Kate, no matter how beautiful the woman is that's asking me."

God, no. She can't be that obvious. Though, it's been pointed out to her recently that apparently she is. "Colin, no…it's not what you think."

"The fact that I don't even have to say his name for you to know who I'm talking about suggests otherwise. I don't know what is going on and from the sounds of it you don't either. You ought to fix that. Trust me, you'll be better off." _I tried,_ she tells herself, thinking back to the hurtful words that Castle parted with. "Then maybe the next bloke that comes along might have a chance."

"I'm sorry."

"No need. Really."

"Thanks."

"And Kate? If when you're done sorting things out, you're still available and for some reason are in London, give me a ring. I'm sure I'd be able to use a drink then."

She laughs, thankful for the understanding and the little smile that it brings her.

"Goodnight, Colin."

She lets out a sigh as she puts her phone down. She's not quite sure what to do, what to make of that conversation. Lanie implied that Castle has been waiting for her – was waiting for her – and today clued her into the fact that she's been waiting on him too. But she knew that. She's known since the day on the swings that all of this was for him – them. She thought he knew that. Until a week ago, that's how he was acting. Now it's all about weekend trips to Vegas and young bimbos. Not exactly the way to show someone that you're willing wait.

Maybe she overestimated his willpower to wait, or blinded herself to the shallow part of him that was still there from his years of being a playboy. There must have been signs that this was coming. He wouldn't just change so suddenly, would he? Kate must have been seeing what she wanted to see.

Except, that didn't seem right either. No, she did not misinterpret everything. It was all still there. But something _has _changed, she just doesn't know what. And it doesn't seem like Castle is planning on clueing her in. At least, not willingly.

Which means she is going to have to drag it out of him. She goes to get up from her desk, about to pack up, when she remembers Castle and The Blonde are out. Together. Driving his Ferrari. Which she pathetically thought was their thing. She can still remember the way he looked when she took his keys and told him she was driving, remember the way the car glided on the street, and the feel of all that power in her hands. What she remembers most is the way Castle's eyes slid over her body in that club, the slight slack-jawed look he had when she let her body move with the beat of the music. It felt empowering, knowing she has – had – that effect on him. She doesn't seem to have any sort of effect on him lately. He used to get jealous when anyone showed a bit of interest in her. Now all she gets is him running off to be with another woman.

Kate isn't sure what to make of it. So she continues to sit at her desk, trying to figure out the best way to get Castle to talk to her.

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><p>Castle is sitting, contemplating pouring his third glass of scotch. He let his fingers cling to the glass, debating whether or not tonight was a good night to let himself drink into a hazy oasis. A place where Detective Kate Beckett doesn't exist. A place where there was nothing but hot, young blondes in bikinis and plenty of margaritas to go around. A place he was actually trying to create with Vegas trips and stew- flight attendants.<p>

No. That's not what he wanted. Castle knew that, which is why he had dropped Jacinda off when he left the precinct. But sometimes he wishes he could want that. Life would be simple and drama free. _Fun and uncomplicated_. His fist tightens when he thinks of what he said to her. It was cruel, he knows that but at the time it seemed justified and if he was being honest with himself (which the scotch was having him do) he didn't really give a damn about how she felt at the time.

That only lasted until he got to the elevator though. Guilt flooded him as he stepped in and it took every ounce of self-control to not stick his hand out to stop the doors from closing and march over to her to apologize. As guilty as he felt, he wasn't going to let himself do it. Even if it hurt her. Because right now, he was hurting too and maybe if she got a little bit of what he was feeling she'd understand.

_Except she doesn't know what to understand_, the little voice in his head tells him. He shakes his head and takes another gulp of scotch. It doesn't matter, she should understand. She should know. He feels the cloud of anger slowly creeping over him. He takes another drink, hoping it will push the cloud back. He doesn't want to feel angry right now. Maybe some self-pity and a little bitterness, but not anger. Not tonight.

The shrill of the phone brings him out of his own thoughts. "Alexis," he yells. "Alexis, can you get the phone?" He doesn't feel like talking right now. She's not answering him and the phone is still ringing. He sets down his glass and reaches across his desk to the phone, not bothering to look at the caller I.D.

"Richard Castle," his voice a little more gruff than he intended it to be. He waits for the person to answer, but he gets nothing. "Hello?" Silence. No, not silence. He can hear breathing. Which is kind of freaking him out. "Is this Smith?

"Who is Smith?" Okay, definitely not Smith.

"Beckett? Why are you calling my home?" His voice holds some annoyance, he hopes she doesn't catch it. Why he cares, he's not sure, but he does. Maybe part of it is that she _is _calling him on his home phone, something she's rarely done in the past.

"I thought it was safer." Safer? "I didn't want to…interrupt something." Ah. Wait –

"And calling here wouldn't do that?"

"I guess…I don't know it just made more sense. I didn't want to call your cellphone in case you were out."

"What is it you want, Kate?" He wants to get to the point of this conversation so he can go about trying to forget about it. He could hear her sigh on the other end, something would normally have made his hear soften, but now he just wanted to hear it. "C'mon, you called for a reason."

"Yeah – yeah I guess I did. I called to say I'm at your door."

"You're what?"

"Your door, Castle. I'm on the other side of it." He didn't think, just hung up the phone and made his way to the front door. He got there so quickly Kate was still looking at her phone when he opened it.

"Castle–"

"What are you doing here?" Okay. This is not starting off like she planned it in her head on her way over here. She sees his body relax as he leans against the door. She doesn't miss the fact that the door isn't all the way open and his body is blocking the entrance – blocking her from entering. "Beckett…I'm tired. Why are you here?"

It's not or never. Except the look on his face tells her maybe she should take never. Never seems good. Maybe this indifference will pass. But something tells her it probably won't. "I – Castle, what did I do? Why did you break our deal?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought we had an understanding. I thought you understood. Castle, have I been reading everything wrong? Us. My wall. Are – are you not interested? Because I thought we were fighting for this together. Partners. But, you haven't been my partner lately. And I need my partner." Her voice trailed off at the end. This was hard. Harder than she thought, but she isn't going to back away now, even if she means exposing herself. The only way to show him she's serious is to show him. Everything.

"So I'm your partner now? I was under the impression that partners kept each other in the loop." Kate snaps her head up, shocked. He's raising his voice. And throwing out accusations to things she has no clue about.

"Castle, what are you talking about? When did I lie to you? I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand that I was going to the even with Hunt, but I didn't tell Ryan or Esposito either…"

"Kate – that's not– " he lets out a frustrated groan and storms back into his loft. He doesn't tell her to follow him, but he leaves the door open so she takes that as her invitation in.

"I am seriously lost here, Rick. Care to fill me in? Because you've been acting – well, acting not yourself for a week now and it is seriously throwing me off. You're making it seem like it's my fault. I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out _but I can't_ and I'm done with being frustrated about it."

"You want to be _in the know_? You know what, I would have liked to have been privileged to certain information ten months ago but it seems it didn't work out that way for me. Guess we can't all get what we want."

Kate has to stop herself from taking a step back. The revelation is enough to knock her over. It all makes sense now. The trip, the partying, the girls – he knows and he was trying to protect himself. Protect himself from her. But how?

"Rick, I…"

He doesn't say anything. No, instead he decides to just look at her. She can see the hurt in every part of his body. His shoulders are hunched, his fists are tight, his eyes…oh god, she's never seen his eyes like that. Never seen them look so faded and dull, completely void of the usual mirth they carry. She stands staring at him for a while, not able to think of what to say. She's not sure if she can take comfort in the fact that he hasn't left yet or demanded she leave. It bothers her that she can't tell what he's thinking. That she doesn't know what to say to make this okay. It's dawned on her that there might be anything she can say. This might be it for them.

She takes a deep breath and runs her fingers through her. "Have I totally messed this up," she asks, forcing herself to look Castle right in the eye.

His body relaxes but he's still guarded. She hasn't fully convinced him. "This? What do you mean by that?"

"The future. For us. Together. Do we- is there a chance we can still work this out?"

"Work this out in what way?"

"Rick." The look on his face tells her he's going to make her spell it out for him. She guesses it's the least she can do. "I want us- I want us to be more. More than what we are, even though we're already so much. You asked once if all you were to me was a partner, but that word means more to me than any other type of label. I've had boyfriends and relationships, Castle. They always ended. I always messed them up because I've never been sure what to do exactly. I always viewed it as a relationship where two separate people came together when they could. That's what I wanted. I needed the space it gave me. I've never had a partner before. Not like you. Not someone that I can spend my whole days with and still want to be with them at the end of it. I call you my partner not just because you help me solve cases but because you help me with everything; you're always there, you always have my back, and you work _with_ me. I've never been with someone that tries so hard to work with me. Or maybe I never let anyone because I thought I could do it on my own. But when it comes to you, I don't want to do it on my own. Not if I don't have to. That's why you're my partner. You're always going to be my partner, Castle."

Kate could sit from the emotional exhaustion she feels after that. But she won't. She'll stand. For him. She'll be strong.

A million emotions flash across his face, but she waits patiently for his response. Finally he looks up at her, his expression softer than she's seen it in a while. "You lied."

"I lied. It was stupid. It was selfish, but I still did it and I'm sorry. Sorry for everything it put you through." He takes a couple of steps forward, closing the distance between them and wraps his hands around her arms.

"But you want this."

"I've wanted it Rick. I still want it. Please tell me I didn't ruin it."

A hand trails up to her face, tracing the edge of her jaw. His palm cups the side of her face, holding her there as he gently presses his lips to hers. It's quick and comforting and full of promise.

"I love you," she breathes against his cheek. He pulls her face away to look into her eyes. It's all there; the love shining through is so evident and he can't help but let a wide smile come across his face. "I know it's going to take time, Rick. I'm going to have to work at because I'm not good at this. But I'm willing to do and work through it. With you. For you. It's all about you."

"Us. It's about us."

Now it was Kate's turn to smile.

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><p><em>AN: Well I hoped you guys liked my first ever Castle fic! Reviews would be awesome._

_And if you have a tumblr check out my profile, the link to mine is on my homepage. Love meeting other people in the fandom :D _

_- Skyler _


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